She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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