Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
