I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
