franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
