I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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