whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
