I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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