dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
