I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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