she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
