u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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