i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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