I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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