Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
