Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
