After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
