Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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