it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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