i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
