: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
