Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
