Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
