I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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