The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
