Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
