did you get engaged???
I've blown a few things in my day
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
