the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
