I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
