I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
