How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
