There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
