mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
