If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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