I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
