It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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