i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize