Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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