nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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