guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
