my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
