Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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