Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
they need to just BURY HIM!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
