ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?