Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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(516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh

Replies (18) Good night (3852) Bad night (887)
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(917): View more from New York City

Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.

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(917): Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college. http://tfl.nu/0xig

Replies (24) Good night (781) Bad night (3198)
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(519): View more from Ontario

oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.

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(519): oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo. (1-519): like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family. http://tfl.nu/xf88

Replies (17) Good night (6351) Bad night (764)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

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(609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez

Replies (26) Good night (7193) Bad night (1079)
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(714): View more from California

walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

(714): View more from California

he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot

Replies (44) Good night (4783) Bad night (8463)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.

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(617): i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar. http://tfl.nu/1t99

Replies (7) Good night (2813) Bad night (872)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him

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(203): apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him http://tfl.nu/3qi4

Replies (9) Good night (963) Bad night (3783)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.

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(402): She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/qnwu

Replies (4) Good night (2064) Bad night (942)
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(917): View more from New York City

Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol

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(917): Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol http://tfl.nu/po2q

Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (1403)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.

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(919): Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him. http://tfl.nu/jzxh

Replies (2) Good night (939) Bad night (581)
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(312): View more from Illinois

my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.

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(312): my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer. http://tfl.nu/1z92

Replies (6) Good night (1055) Bad night (462)
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(712): View more from Iowa

I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.

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(712): I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray. http://tfl.nu/8ri0

Replies (5) Good night (1810) Bad night (455)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

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(501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo

Replies (6) Good night (842) Bad night (330)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?

(423): View more from Tennessee

I was emotionally compromised.

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(615): Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really? (423): I was emotionally compromised. http://tfl.nu/irpq

Replies (1) Good night (652) Bad night (327)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM

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(403): I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM (403): BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM http://tfl.nu/wdql

Replies (3) Good night (410) Bad night (143)

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