Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills