my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.