Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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