Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis

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  (908): im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis http://tfl.nu/pro9
  Replies (14) Good night (3589) Bad night (800)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.

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  (860): I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/zegq
  Replies (17) Good night (4404) Bad night (604)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....

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  (403): by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal.... http://tfl.nu/sunu
  Replies (26) Good night (900) Bad night (3058)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.

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  (847): I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink. http://tfl.nu/akmh
  Replies (3) Good night (2512) Bad night (1395)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.

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  (803): That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose. http://tfl.nu/x4y6
  Replies (7) Good night (1130) Bad night (1755)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse

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  (631): I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse http://tfl.nu/4qxw
  Replies (14) Good night (796) Bad night (1477)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.

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  (608): He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/dgwh
  Replies (6) Good night (2005) Bad night (542)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.

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  (859): You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy. http://tfl.nu/r8h1
  Replies (10) Good night (747) Bad night (1109)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.

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  (215): you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out. http://tfl.nu/raqc
  Replies (5) Good night (1105) Bad night (530)
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  (916): View more from California

  Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?

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  (916): Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right? http://tfl.nu/1so7
  Replies (2) Good night (683) Bad night (408)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.

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  (702): At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out. (1-702): If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week. http://tfl.nu/ued1
  Replies (4) Good night (1321) Bad night (414)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.

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  (908): 4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden. http://tfl.nu/r37f
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (294)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?

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  (724): How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people? http://tfl.nu/n7j8
  Replies (2) Good night (380) Bad night (716)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.

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  (423): They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other. http://tfl.nu/yegv
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (275)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.

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  (410): You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks. http://tfl.nu/xjq0
  Replies (1) Good night (346) Bad night (459)

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