I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
