Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.

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  (503): I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz. http://tfl.nu/wgvl
  Replies (84) Good night (2173) Bad night (6265)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

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  (973): how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me? http://tfl.nu/anhw
  Replies (8) Good night (5540) Bad night (1163)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.

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  (952): I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler. http://tfl.nu/21hn
  Replies (9) Good night (1920) Bad night (1141)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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  (847): Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too. http://tfl.nu/lfcy
  Replies (6) Good night (3695) Bad night (928)
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  (559): View more from California

  Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.

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  (559): Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out. http://tfl.nu/isge
  Replies (7) Good night (2834) Bad night (888)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  It's official drugs can't kill me

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  (864): It's official drugs can't kill me http://tfl.nu/v797
  Replies (13) Good night (2149) Bad night (840)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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  (402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em
  Replies (16) Good night (2442) Bad night (761)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.

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  (702): Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad. http://tfl.nu/3xek
  Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (1335)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.

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  (414): If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg. http://tfl.nu/31ua
  Replies (2) Good night (1379) Bad night (726)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!

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  (918): You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner! http://tfl.nu/v9u1
  Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (470)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.

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  (218): We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/ouo9
  Replies (4) Good night (1161) Bad night (312)
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  (415): View more from California

  Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.

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  (415): Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack. http://tfl.nu/dkfp
  Replies (2) Good night (813) Bad night (278)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.

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  (716): I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons. http://tfl.nu/ab56
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing

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  (716): while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing http://tfl.nu/6vwv
  Replies (2) Good night (789) Bad night (287)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's

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  (801): And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's http://tfl.nu/7hkf
  Replies (0) Good night (444) Bad night (173)

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