new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.