So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
