So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
