you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
