I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
