I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
