i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
