i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
