Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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