We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
