If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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