So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
