normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
