the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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