Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
