Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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