People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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