Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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