k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Girls should come with a carfax report
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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