very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
