i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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