Banned from zoo.
Again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
