Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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